I’m a proud brunette, no doubt about it. In fact I would go so far as to say that for the better part of the last 12 years I’ve gone out of my way to disprove the adage that blondes have more fun by simply having the most fun as a brunette. And I’ve had a pretty awesome time. I look at my blonde friends who have turned brunette as a reasonable compliment and as proof that I’ve turned the myth on its head.
That was until I went blonde.
Blondes don’t know what they have; and I had no idea that I was missing out but, there is no doubt in my mind that blondes do have more fun.
Research from the University of Edinburgh, Scotland, points out that the majority of people around the world have black hair –and perhaps this is why blondes simply get more attention. They stand out in a crowd because that crowd is, by virtue of genetic statistics, probably going to be mostly brunette. This would account for the previously unprecedented rate of pick-ups in a crowd: from being asked for my number in charade-speech through two panes of glass and the rumbling space of peak-hour traffic at a highway intersection robot, to an attempted pick-up on a 10 000 clubber-strong dance-floor where I think (I really couldn’t hear him properly) I was being invited to Plet for the weekend.
Alternate research from an international Journal of Psychology supports the idea that men buy into the ‘dumb blonde’ stereotype –and perhaps this is why blondes both play to men’s physical and intellectual strengths, and in doing so stroke those very delicate egos, as well as why it is easier for blondes to surprise in conversation: what’s more enticing than expecting a pretty vacuous vapidity to stare blankly back at you in conversation at a dinner party and instead find yourself in deep and interesting conversation?
This expectation could account for why blondes get significantly more attention from possible partners on internet dating sites. Blondes can expect a flirtatious 14 messages a day versus a skimpy nine for brunettes. And then perhaps that is the problem –that brunettes are simply notoriously not skimpy enough. It is widely accepted that a gormless girl (as blondes are stereotypically thought to be) is more likely to trade on the only talent left to her. In which case any fun we’re talking about is confined to the bedroom. But research also shows that blondes have more fun in the boardroom – not on the boardroom table – as they are more likely to be employed in the legal profession and other such brainy fields.
Turns out though that this is not enough to keep a man interested. Ultimately, men seek dark-haired women as wives. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha.
Perhaps it is not so much about the fact that blondes are not as thick (in the head, not the girth) as Marilyn represented them and more about the fact that, like Marilyn, blondes have the audacity to stand over that drain-cover in a white dress and flaunt what they’ve got because they’ve got it, and it’s awesome to have –with less concern about who is going to see their panties and think they’re a cheap slut, than a brunette. Sometimes it is smarter to play dumb. And most times that takes balls.
For whatever reason, going blonde is supposed to:
1. Make you feel more attractive;
2. Increase your confidence at work, often in such a way that you find it easier to ask for a pay rise;
3. Make you more capable of complaining about unfair treatment; and
4. Enable you to set personal boundaries more assertively.
And since going blonde I have:
1. Started wearing less make-up because I think I’m pretty enough without it;
2. Gotten a bonus this month and an increase for next year...
3. ...for doing less work than this year because I complained about how much of my free time it was stealing;
4. And informed the extended family of how we will NOT be spending Christmas together.
I guess I can sit back smiling smugly because I have the best of both worlds. I have experienced The Blondeness and believe that I can far more successfully exploit all that being blonde brings because I can spot the advantages as they befall me. And whenever I want, I can rely on my genes to secure me the
extra 4 250 pounds a year that statistics says being a brunette, not a blonde, secures me at work.
...Oh, and brunettes are also more likely to marry millionaires...now I wonder if that means a brunette can help make a man a millionaire...?
-SoBlonde
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